Junk car removal

Original advert:

? ? ? Junk Vehicle Removal ? ? ?

Car, Truck or Van

Do it today, midweek. Why wait?

Tired of that non running or junk car, truck or van sitting outside or in the garage,

carport or driveway taking up valuable space? Neighbors complaining? Rats loving you?

Sell or get rid of it today. Any condition, running, knocking, slipping transmission, etc.

I will rid you of your problem.

Give me a call today, ***-***-**** or email a reply

-----------------------------------------

From: Alex Richards

To: Mike **********

-----------------------------------------

Hi there, I currently have a car that needs removing from my premises. The thing is, my son and I have some kind of little prank war going on and he's got me about 5 times in a row now, doing stuff like waking me up in the middle of the night for no reason so I get all pissy, and he destroyed my shed, which I loved. So to get him back I've decided to get his car removed, something which he loved.

I should be able to provide any further details needed.

Thanks,

Alex

Salsa dancing

Original advert:

Get ready learning the hottest social activity...Salsa dancing!!! You will meet new friends, burn those calories and have fun all at the same time. Our Beginning Salsa Class taught by professional instructors who are dedicated to your soon-to-be Salsa addiction. No partner or dance experience required. Just reserve your spot in class today by contacting at ***-***-****

-----------------------------------------

From: Alex Richards (under the name 'Alfonso')

To: Cesar *******

-----------------------------------------

hello my name is Alfonso I am from Cuba I would much like to make salsa with you, I would like know how much monedero you are charging for salsa and would I have to bring own indgredients?

Gracias,

Alfonso

Missing dog 1

Original Advert:

M I S S I N G D O G

Missing female Boxer/ color-brown/ West Covina

Lark Ellen/ Rowland area

-------------------------------

From: Alex Richards

To: Rey ****

-------------------------------

Hi I have found something that matches your description. I can send a picture if you like so you can check if it is what you're looking for.

Thanks,

Alex

Joke website

From: Alex Richards

To: Joke website

------

Hi,

I have a joke for you, it goes like this:

A duck walks into a drugstore, and says to the clerk “I’d like to buy some lipstick.” The clerk says “You’re a duck, you don’t need lipstick.” The duck says “I need some lipstick.” So the clerk gets a lipstick and asks “Cash or credit card?” and the duck says “Put it on my bill”.

I hope we can share praise for the author of this joke.

Thanks,

A Richards

Canadian Apartment

Original Advert:

Apartment wanted in Brampton area

$900/m max rent

Please contact if you have one avaliable

From: Alex Richards

To: Jane Redman

Hi, I saw that you were looking for an apartment, I think I’ll be able to help you out. I have a few apartments spare in my block in Brampton, Ontario, near shopper’s world. Reply if you’re interested.

Thanks

Michael's attempt at a prank call

(Wait 5 seconds for it to start)

About 4 hours before I did this, Michael originally attempted the same prank call to the same place...

Also, I will be adding some new posts of the fake emails soon, instead of videos and yahoo answers stuff, which I added as filler while I waited for ideas, email replies etc. I'll probably add a post later or tomorrow, depending on whether I can be bothered to copy and paste the stuff from my email account onto here; a very tedious task.

New video

Another prank call.

Yahoo Answers 3

I found some more Yahoo answers things I did a while back. I promise there'll be no more Yahoo answers related stuff for while now, so don't worry.

I'd provide the links but most of the questions I've done have been deleted, and I usually ask a question multiple times to get more bites, so I don't want spam each blog post I do with dozens of links.

All comments are appreciated.

#1 - Apple Answer

#2 - Film Help Question

#3 - Runescape Answer

#4 - £2.3 million Question

#5 - Incest Answer

Yahoo Answers 2

Pictures don't really come out well on this blog. So click the links instead.

All comments are appreciated.

#1 - TV Shows Question

#2 - Baby Names Answer

#3 - McDonalds Question

#4 - Guy Problems Answer

Swedish lessons

All comments are appreciated :)

From: Alex Richards

To: Swedish Tutor

Hi, I saw that you are offering Swedish language lessons, but I'm having a few problems and was wondering if you could answer a few questions?

Thanks.

-----------------------------------------

Sure, I would be more than glad to help you out. What do you need help with?

Setareh

-----------------------------------------

Well, I picked up some basic Swedish from Sesame street, I don't know if you are familiar with the character 'The Swedish Chef'? And they stated that the Swedish language is now defunct and has been replaced with the 'Hurdy Gurdy' language, and now I see someone offering Swedish lessons. I'm a little bit confused. Maybe you could shed some light on the situation?

Thanks.

-----------------------------------------

Alex,

To be completely honest with you I never heared about them at all, therefore it will be difficult for me to explain the differences as well.

Can I ask you why you chose to study Swedish - maybe I could still come in handy after all?

-----------------------------------------

You can come in very handy actually.

I'll tell you the whole story of why I've chosen to study Swedish. I used to live in Melbourne, Australia, and one day I took out a loan. Well, a month later the company I took a loan out of went bankrupt, and had been replaced with a different loan company who wanted me to pay double what I took out. So I fled the country, and moved to London, where I got a job as an accountant. I worked there for 6 years, but it seemed to be missing any fulfilment due to a non enjoyment of the job and a failure to befriend any of my colleagues. This led to a depression, I quit my job, I sold my car and I just couldn't cope with the stresses and loneliness of my life. My family convinced me to see a doctor, and he recommended a psychiatrist, who I went to see 3 times a week to discuss all my problems. He was a great help, and my depression seemed to just...pass within a few months, I felt like I had been reborn.

A few nights after I decided to go out for the first time in about 2 years, with some friends I met in Wiltshire, we had a few brewskis, slammed some pool, you know the jist? And that evening I met a beautiful girl named Evelyn, we got chatting. And then eventually, 4 years later we got married, and had a child named Duncan. Duncan is now 3 years old.

After more loan-related problems I moved to New York (my current location), but it seems that there has been more loan trouble here so I decided that I am going to move to Sweden. Whilst looking for holiday homes I stumbled upon your ad for Swedish lessons, and thought "This could be handy for when I move to Sweden", I then emailed you, and that leads to this moment in time.

So could we maybe discuss hours and prices etc?

Thanks.

-----------------------------------------

Hi Alex,

Wow that truly is a interesting story - would love to hear more about your life. I love travelling because I think you get more perspective on life and relationships (both with family and friends even yourself). Bet all these experiences in Australia, London and New York have all been necessary for you to get to this next phase of life together with your wife Evelyn. I am glad that you are moving to Sweden - the system is definetly better there compared to the system in the states :)

When are you planning to move?

As far as my service providing you with the swedish lessons I am very flexible. I do not work at the moment so I could meet up as often as you want to and adjust to your schedule pretty much. Just let me know when would be a good timing for you. From my previous experiences I have noticed a session around 2-2,5 hours is the best. Maybe 3 times per week?
It's completely up to you though :)

I suggest that we meet up during this week and take it from there. Do you have a book that we can look through together (you mentioned you've been studying some basics). And pricewise I take 80 dollars per hour.

Thank you for sharing your story, looking forward to hearing from you.

Setareh

-----------------------------------------

Hi Setareh, sorry I haven't replied for while, I've been sorting out transport for Sweden. We've struggled to get a plane from New York, so we've decided to just sail there. It's only a little bit further than the 'New York to Norway' sailing gala I attended in 2002, so we'll cope. There are no problems with your times and prices.

I have a hen Juanita, and she has (unbelievably) grasped a few English words since I've had her (I got her in 2007). So I was wondering if you'd be able to teach her a few words too?

Thanks.

-----------------------------------------

Definetly! As I said before I think an introductional meeting will do all of us good, then we can discuss what level you want the tutoring sessions to be at. Also get a chance to see how and what techniques of learning suits you best :)

I am more than open to help you both out, as a matter of fact this is helping me as well. Glad its mutual.

Wown I never knew that you could sail over, I guess I never thought about it. Nice that you are looking through different options in order to compare and get the most suitable alternative.

Talk soon,
Setareh

-----------------------------------------

I'm so glad. It's been tough to find a Swedish tutor who is willing to teach my hen. Maybe will the Swedish lessons Juanita will be able to communicate with Henrik, my sloth, so they stop fighting so much, Juanita can't lay eggs at all while in a hostile mood. So, I'm planning on moving to Sweden next Tuesday, so I was wondering if you could teach me the whole language within say, 3 days?

Thanks.

-----------------------------------------

Hahaha Alex, well in that case I guess we have to make it full days! Guess you don't have anything else to do now since you're moving right? ;)

-----------------------------------------

Well, I have to pack, take out life insurance on my wife and find a suitable melee weapon for reasons I will not reveal at this moment. So you can teach the whole language in 3 days?

-----------------------------------------

Nope, Alex I can't. But I will teach you as much as your mind is able to deal with.

You're funny Alex, enough with the jokes now :) Are you seriously moving on tuesday?

-----------------------------------------

Everything I've said has been serious (except for the whole insurance and melee weapon thing, I have to admit, I was humoring you a little there). I just hope you've been entirely serious on your part, I don't want this exchange to have been a gigantic waste of important time.

Thanks

-----------------------------------------

I fully agree. How are you planning to do this in 3 days?

-----------------------------------------

Well Setareh, you said it could be done. I hope you have not just wasted my time, that's all. I'm a powerful man, I can do powerful things.

-----------------------------------------

I did not say it could be done.

-----------------------------------------

Setareh, you said "Hahaha, well in that case I guess we have to make it full days!". Seeing as that was a lie, are you telling me you wont be able to teach my hen too?

-----------------------------------------

You asked me and I said "Nope". Guess there has been a few misunderstandings here.

Atleast you gave me a good laugh :)

-----------------------------------------

So Setareh, you can't teach my hen? You definitely said you could.

"Definetly! As I said before I think an introductional meeting will do all of us good, then we can discuss what level you want the tutoring sessions to be at. Also get a chance to see how and what techniques of learning suits you best :)
I am more than open to help you both out, as a matter of fact this is helping me as well. Glad its mutual."

It's nice to see that my custom is just a big fucking joke to you. I thought you could really help me out, I only had a departure time of Tuesday, because I thought you could really help me, but of course, you just thought you'd lie to me for shits and giggles. Now I have to postpone my moving YET AGAIN. Thanks a lot. Do you feel proud? care to explain yourself?

-----------------------------------------

Alex, I will teach you and do my best to try teaching your hen. You will not be able to learn the whole language in that amount of time though. My price is 80 per hour and I can meet you up if you want. That's all the information I have for now.

Don't have anything else to add nor explain.

-----------------------------------------

Oh, so now you CAN teach Juanita? You don't realise how much disruption your silly little jokes have caused.

Why did you insist on lying and ruining me and my family's dream move? I just told Evelyn about you and why we have to postpone our move yet again, she is now in tears. Are you still laughing?

-----------------------------------------

Alex, I dont know what to say

-----------------------------------------

Duncan hates you

-----------------------------------------

End of correspondence

Amazon

It's another idiotic one...

---------------------------------------------

From: Alex Richards

To: Amazon(.com/.co.uk)

Hmm....Hmm

Hmm.

---------------------------------------------

Alex

Is there anything I can help you with?

Are you having trouble browsing the site?

Your email was a little confusing...

---------------------------------------------

Hmm...

No thanks, just browsing.

---------------------------------------------

End of correspondence

Vegetarian Society

From: Alex Richards

To: Vegetarian Society

----------------------------------------

Hello there,
I have recently decided that enough is enough, I'm going to stop eating meat; not only is it unhealthy, but it is the poor flesh from an innocent animal. I seem to be having a bit of trouble fighting the temptation though, and was wondering if I could discuss a few issues I'm having with vegetarianism, with you?

Thanking you
A. Richards

------------------------------------

Dear Alex

Thank you for your email. We have lots of resources we can send you to help with your decisions If you have any specific issues don’t hesitate to email me. Also if you would like to give me your full address details I will send you our starter pack.

Regards

Ray.

------------------------------------

Ray,

Thank you for your reply. What exactly does the starter pack contain?
The main problem I'm having is a rather silly one. I used to eat meat, and I sort of felt I was connecting with the animals, which I loved.
I chose to become vegetarian due to the fact that this connection between the animal and I was null and void due to the fact that the animal had been slaughtered...so I could get through the day on a full stomach.
I am struggling to not eat meat, as I like the feeling of that connection, although I know it's wrong. I was wondering if you could help; maybe by suggesting some new ways of connecting, without eating. I will also search for some ways to do this.

Thanking you
A. Richards

------------------------------------

Hi Alex

Yes your starter pack consists of healthy eating advice,nutritional.reasons for going veggie etc. there is of course lots if info on our website regarding specific areas of concern for example animal welfare issues and environmental aspects of our diet. I think the more knowledge you acquire regarding vegetarianism can help to connect with animals in general.

Regards

ray.

--------------------------------------

Ray,

I will certainly consider the starter pack, and will get back to you with my address when I am ready.

I (think I) have found a way to connect with the animals, without eating them. There is this thing called 'Beastiality'. I am

not entirely sure what it involves, but my friend said it was about adopting an animal as a pet to reduce the guilt you feel. I will certainly research it before I partake in the process. Do you happen to have any information on this? this whole connecting with the animals thing is starting to hurt my brain.

Thanking you

A. Richards

----------------------------------

Hi Alex

Yes I would be glad to send you some general information on vegetarianism and some basic advice regarding a meat free diet. I think the animal connection issue will also become clearer after looking into changing your eating habits. Haven't heard of the beastiality connection but if you let me have your full address I will send you some resources to assist.

Regards

Ray.

---------------------------------

End Of Correspondence

'The Door'

From: Alex Richards

To: ITV viewer services

Dear ITV,

I recently viewed your television entitled 'the door', starring Dean Gaffney, Louisa Lytton, Coronation Street’s Jennie McAlpine, Boyzone’s Keith Duffy, television presenter Michael Underwood and The Saturday’s singer Frankie Sandford. And although I'm thrilled that you've managed to convince these A-list celebrities to take a break from their ignited careers and take part in this show, I have some 'beef' with you.

Throughout the show I managed to get the jist of the show, and the importance of 'the door' in the structure of the show. But, I noticed around 15 minutes in, that there was in fact a second door; much different from the first door, it was a darker shade than the first door, yet the first door has the show centred around it, and named after it, the second door is not mentioned in the show name, or the synopsis. Maybe there is some subtle subconscious racism within this show? I don't know.

The addition of the second door confused me quite a lot, there's me thinking the show is about a door, when in fact, it's about doors. I'm sure I'm not the only one mentally displaced by this error on ITV's behalf. I'm sure the show would be better off named 'the doors'. But I know what you're thinking! Some people may be confused, and think it's about the late Jim Morrison's band. So I suggest you rename the show 'The doors; not the Jim Morrison band, but a show about going through doors'. Not only would this eliminate all confusion, but it would be increasingly enticing upon first glance.

A reply would be appreciated, as I have taken time out of my schedule to write to you.

Thanking You

A. Richards

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Sir/Madam

Thank you for your email regarding The Door.

I can confirm that your comments have been noted here at ITV Viewer Services.

May I take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to contact us here at ITV as we always welcome viewers’ feedback.

Regards

ITV VIEWER SERVICES - jh

---------------------------------------------

End Of Correspondence

BNP

*The British National Party is a political party, seeking to restore the white ethnicity within the United Kingdom by getting rid of immigrants. Not a beef and pastry company.

-----------------------------
From: Alex Richards
To: The BNP

Dear BNP,
Hello there, I'm writing to say the Beef 'N' Pastries association has got to be in my top 5 favourite beef and pastry related associations based in the U.K. I especially admire your Danish pastries; rich in flavour, and don't ruin your figure. The beef you provide is so tender, it just melts in your mouth. I was just wondering whether you were going to add more to your selection of delicacies? I read last months 'Meat and various dessert ideas quarterly' and they claimed that you were going to add profiteroles to your list of pastries, but of course that contains ice cream; the flaw of your many contenders in the beef and pastry market. I'm sure you can pull it off guys. If this rumour is true, my word, I will not be able to contain my excitement. A reply of confirmation (or of anything) would be nice.

Thanking you
A. Richards
-----------------------------

Alex,

Have you considered seeking medical advice?

Probably best to stay off the drugs for a while.

-----------------------------

Just because I enjoy your products, it does not mean i'm on drugs, Mr. Modest! You should have more faith in what you produce and sell. Is there any chance of confirming the rumour?

A. Richards

-----------------------------

End of correspondence.

Mind organisation

I feel ashamed, this is definitely the most idiotic one so far...


-----------------------------------------------
From: Alex Richards
To: Mind organisation

Hello there,
I have a keen interest in the mind, especially the subconscious mind and uses of subliminal messaging.
The fact that my mind can be affected without me being aware just fasciKILLnates me.
I've been doing some research on different suKILLKILLKILLTHEMALLbliminal messaging techniques used by
large compITSWORTHITanies to get people to bHELPMEuy their products. I was just wondering if you had any
inforDESTROYEARTHmation on why a subcoFOREVERRRRRR!nscious even exists, and how it can be used to an
adMUAHAHAHAvantage, as I have heard various advertiIWILLRULETHEWORLDsements saying 'Use your subconscious
brain power' etc. Any informPETTYEARTHLINGSation on this would be appreciated. (A prompt reply would also be appreciated)

Thanking you
A. Richards
-----------------------------------------------

Hello Alex,

Thank you for your email dated 9 March 2010.

I understand you have an interest in the subconscious mind and the use of subliminal messaging. You would like to know if we have any information about why the subconscious mind exists and how it can be used.

Here at the MindinfoLine we provide information and signposting options to people experiencing mental distress, their carers, families and professionals.

We do not have any specific information about the subconscious mind and the use of subliminal messaging although we are contacted sometimes by people who feel they are affected by subliminal messages.

If this is a matter which is causing you concern then you could talk to someone at your local Mind association (LMA). Each LMA is a charity in its own right and affiliated to Mind and the services each is able to offer depend on their individual resources. You can find details of your nearest LMA on our website:

[Link]

You could also discuss any concerns you may have with your GP.

I hope this information helps.

Best wishes,

MindinfoLine

-----------------------------------------------
Boring generic response = end of correspondence