Mind organisation

I feel ashamed, this is definitely the most idiotic one so far...


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From: Alex Richards
To: Mind organisation

Hello there,
I have a keen interest in the mind, especially the subconscious mind and uses of subliminal messaging.
The fact that my mind can be affected without me being aware just fasciKILLnates me.
I've been doing some research on different suKILLKILLKILLTHEMALLbliminal messaging techniques used by
large compITSWORTHITanies to get people to bHELPMEuy their products. I was just wondering if you had any
inforDESTROYEARTHmation on why a subcoFOREVERRRRRR!nscious even exists, and how it can be used to an
adMUAHAHAHAvantage, as I have heard various advertiIWILLRULETHEWORLDsements saying 'Use your subconscious
brain power' etc. Any informPETTYEARTHLINGSation on this would be appreciated. (A prompt reply would also be appreciated)

Thanking you
A. Richards
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Hello Alex,

Thank you for your email dated 9 March 2010.

I understand you have an interest in the subconscious mind and the use of subliminal messaging. You would like to know if we have any information about why the subconscious mind exists and how it can be used.

Here at the MindinfoLine we provide information and signposting options to people experiencing mental distress, their carers, families and professionals.

We do not have any specific information about the subconscious mind and the use of subliminal messaging although we are contacted sometimes by people who feel they are affected by subliminal messages.

If this is a matter which is causing you concern then you could talk to someone at your local Mind association (LMA). Each LMA is a charity in its own right and affiliated to Mind and the services each is able to offer depend on their individual resources. You can find details of your nearest LMA on our website:

[Link]

You could also discuss any concerns you may have with your GP.

I hope this information helps.

Best wishes,

MindinfoLine

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Boring generic response = end of correspondence

Time traveller's research centre

From: Alex Richards
To: Time traveller's research centre

Hello there,
I think I may have created a working time machine, as I am now in a world where everything seems so colourful, and basic compared to where you are now. Luckily I was holding my laptop (along with internet connection) whilst I travelled back in time. What I really wanted to say to you guys is that I just recorded the latest episode of Diff'rent strokes on my sony betamax and was wondering if you guys wanted to ride your groovy ford cortinas down here so we can watch it together.

Smell ya later...NOT!!!!

Thanking you
A. Richards
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No reply.

Corporate event organisers

From: Alex Richards
To: Corporate event organisers

Hello there,
My name is Alex Richards and I am an entertainer, I was thinking maybe your corporate events were lacking something.
My stage name is 'Roberto Terradicci: the gruesome macarena monster' and I like to entertain both children and adults alike. I am a stand-up comedian/comedy song writer who, when given any criteria can write material like that (I just clicked my fingers dont you know?).
Here is an extract from my routine:-
'My name is Roberto and RARRRRRRRRR, scared? you should be. I am the macarena monster, the prancing lancer, the jigging biggar! Do you kids (or in your case, businessmen) like sweets?! I THOUGHT SO! [here is where I throw sweets at the children/businessmen]'

These are a few of my reviews from local media

I literally peed myself laughing! 5 stars! - Merthyr Express Journalist Terry Hobson
A star for the future, gruesome macarena monster? more like AWESOME MACARENA MONSTER! - BBC Wales producer Gareth Llewellyn
Oh my days, this bruv is a total mukk - Harry Ordinary, Council house and violent weekly
Wow. Wow. Wow. - Mark Davies, Little lampshades magazine

I would appreciate a reply, whether it is a reply with queries, or a reply of rejection.

Thanking you
A. Richards
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No reply.

Curtains Sales Website

From: Alex Richards

To: Curtains Sales Websites

Hello there,
I recently came across your site, but I am unable to browse the options.
So I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your products through email?
If this is okay, please reply.

Thanking you
A. Richards

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Alex,

What problems do you appear to be having with the site? If you let me know what your queries are, I would be happy to assist you to the best of my knowledge.

Kind regards,

Jenny

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I have a few queries about your blinds. I was wondering whether I could get them with a size of at least 5ft (height). I was also wondering if they came with their own guide dogs?
I look forward to a reply

Thanking you
A. Richards

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Alex,

The blinds we do currently go up to a drop of 170cm which is approximately 5ft 7ins. There aren’t a lot of blinds to choose from on the site at the moment as we are currently re-vamping that section, sorry.

They do not come with their own guide dogs however – we suggest you obtain one separately. We did nearly get a deal with hearing dogs for the deaf, but just as we were about to sign on the dotted line, a tapir ran off with the paperwork.

Kind regards,

Jenny

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5ft 7ins sounds perfect, I don't want them to be too tall. I will probably wait until your stock has increased, as I don't want my blinds to be lonely.
It is very unfortunate that the blinds do not come with guide dogs, is this because of lack of kennels or food? It seems that the whole tapir malarchy has rocked your company a little, I'm guessing it was a Brazilian tapir who ran off with the paperwork, as they do tend to be the most rebellious. My only advice is that you complete paperwork within an office environment, rather than in the jungle. Have you any idea about when the re-vamp of the blinds section will be complete?

Thanking you
A. Richards

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Alex,

Stock isn’t an issue, it’s just a case of getting the website up to date – we are only a small (and very busy) company, so please bear with us. As to when the blinds section is complete – how long is a piece of string? No seriously, we want to catch that tapir.

I wouldn’t worry about the blinds being lonely – few of our blinds seem to like each other, but are keen to meet other like-minded soft furnishings.

I apologise that we do not offer the aforementioned guide dog service and hope this does not deter you from doing very serious and businessy-type business with us.

Kind regards,

Jenny

PS: Re: Guide dogs – My colleague says that this once some guy put the Shaka Khan tune on full blast and a flock of dogs came running, so maybe this may help in your endeavours.

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Could you maybe state the general interests of the blinds?

A. Richards

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Alex,

Oh, you know… stuff.

Which particular blinds are you interested in and I’ll ask around.

Jenny

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Thank goodness for that Jenny, I am also interested in stuff.
My passions include cats, gardening, inventing and forensic anthropology.
Do any of your blinds play the piano? because my favourite musical artist has got to be Stevie Wonder,
and if I could have my own, I would be over the moon.

Thanking you
A. Richards

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Alex,

You're an idiot

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End of correspondence