Mathematical Association Of America

From: Alex Richards
To: maaservice@brightkey.net
Subject: Help
Date: Wed, 13 Jan 2010 01:08:23 +0000

Dear The Mathematical Association Of America,

I am currently in a bit of a predicament. I recently bought a shelf from my local Ikea store, and on the instructions there is a shape that has caused severe disagreement. It's sides are of measurements (starting from top side, going clockwise) Sin-1(0.232344345), tan-1(0.9494938), Sin-1(0.232344345) and Cos-1(0.5643420894) With corners at 90(degrees), the colour of the shape in question is bright turquoise, and if you put two of these shapes together they will make a strong, capable shelf bracket.
The problem is that I feel this shape is most certainly a rhombus, while my friend Toby Jenkins insists it's a trapezoid. Is there any way you can provide an answer/solution to this charade?

Thanking you in advance
A Richards.
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Take me out...

From: Alex Richards
To: viewerservices@itv.com
Subject: Dear ITV
Date: Sun, 10 Jan 2010 23:09:15 +0000

Dear ITV,
I recently viewed your television programme/trainwreck 'Take me out' hoping for some intellectual viewing, aren't I the fool? instead i got 30 sets of orange make up with retarded girls underneath. I mean, where did you get these people from? I could go to greenfields and struggle to find someone with less 'special needs' than those women. If you wanted a show specifically targeted at exposing simple people, you should have let me invest in some magic mushrooms and a pocket mirror that I could give to my mother and then you should have let me film her on my Sony handycam while she tries to figure out who she is, it would be much more interesting and it could teach children a lesson about drugs, mirror sizes etc. And why do you always have the men who love themselves? The ones who jizz themselves whenever they catch their own reflection. One more thing, what's with all the cliched double entendres? yes, we get it, you haven't had sex in a while, which is why you're competing against 29 other women for some bloke you don't know, I'd much rather they be blunt with it, 'I want you to put your erect penis in my vagina, and thrust, please', and no wonder you're not getting any dates when one of the reasons you reject the bloke is because 'He's a little bit tall'. I'm glad you decided on authentic Italian cuisine, by sending the 'lovers' to a restaurant called 'Fernando's', did you by any chance blow your budget on creating the 'love lift' or 'shag elevator' or whatever it's called? well, hopefully the restaurant has windows, so the spastic women will have something to lick in between meals.

This is an actual (approximate) excerpt from the first show:

Paddy McGuinness: [In Absurde Lancashire accent] So, there's two girls left, to decide which one you'll take out on a date, you get to ask them one question, fire away.

Man: Right girls, my mother is probably the most important person in my life, so, how can you make sure she'll like you as much as i will?

Girl 1: I would look after you, make sure you were safe, love and cherish you, and hopefully your mother will take me into her arms and your family.
Girl 2: Well, I work in skincare so, I could give her a few facials.

...He chose to go on a date with Girl 2.

F****off.

'Kind' regards,
Alex Richards



P.S Loving All-Star Family Fortunes
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